You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme