Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
