I am puke
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.