This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're like the curious george of whores
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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