Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
