At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
