I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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