david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
