She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
