I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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