Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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