I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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