I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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