hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
