lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
