what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
