New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
