kristin has been a bad kristin
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
