I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
