I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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