my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize