Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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