Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
