I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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