Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
