She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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