I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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