i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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