I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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