I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
