it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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