Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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