She said her name was "party"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
