Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
