So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
