Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
