im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
