you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
