I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
