This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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