o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
