You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.