Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1853) Bad night (681)
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  (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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  (631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/uux2
  Replies (8) Good night (3377) Bad night (887)
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  (310): View more from California

  The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was

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  (310): The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was http://tfl.nu/84hp
  Replies (3) Good night (2496) Bad night (714)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.

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  (937): Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me. http://tfl.nu/bzyr
  Replies (49) Good night (986) Bad night (6776)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.

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  (585): Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/iu2u
  Replies (33) Good night (3899) Bad night (1264)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  yea

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  turns out that you did...and i just found it.

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  (856): You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel? (856): yea (1-856): turns out that you did...and i just found it. http://tfl.nu/lurm
  Replies (57) Good night (840) Bad night (8429)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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  (727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i
  Replies (37) Good night (5333) Bad night (2228)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

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  (703): ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making http://tfl.nu/m2re
  Replies (10) Good night (3528) Bad night (1060)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

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  (660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s
  Replies (3) Good night (5435) Bad night (1288)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.

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  (210): I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it. http://tfl.nu/c8qq
  Replies (4) Good night (2396) Bad night (876)
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  (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

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  (408): he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink." http://tfl.nu/8gq0
  Replies (25) Good night (3741) Bad night (6382)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks

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  (609): all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs (609): hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks http://tfl.nu/8a0z
  Replies (3) Good night (2146) Bad night (645)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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  (904): You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award. http://tfl.nu/86ud
  Replies (3) Good night (1410) Bad night (852)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1041) Bad night (495)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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  (305): I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob. http://tfl.nu/2wm2
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (457)

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