My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?