i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.