someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
