So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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