Can i not drive my cunt home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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