The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
