U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
