Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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