sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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