You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
