Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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