i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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