pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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