How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
