Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
