every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
