She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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