There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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