do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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