Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize