I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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