girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
