Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
