Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
