Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
