Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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