Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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