My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
