i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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