my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
