I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
