Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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