Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
