Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
