we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
