I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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