I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
