his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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