who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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