That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
