I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
