Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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