I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Found the puke drawer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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